I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
