This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
