I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize