Christians are straight up FREAKS
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
