I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
