This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
