If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
