Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
