i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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