I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
