She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
