apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
