My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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