So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
