Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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