Please, let me fuck your mom
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
