I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I touched a dick in church today
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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