OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
