yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize