Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize