You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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