Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
