Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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