Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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