Umm I'm too high to move.
zippers are such a cool invention
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
