Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
this hospital has no fireball
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
soo... how was my night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
