Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
