so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
