So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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