Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
