I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
