well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
God gave him joint rollers for hands
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
