nutella sex= disaster
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
