It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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