I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
