omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
