They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't turn off my feet"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
