OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
