I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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