do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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