You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
