Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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