apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
