I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
