party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
