Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
