apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
