you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
