there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
