and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
