Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
