just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
