dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
