i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
