dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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