I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
