it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Someone came in the potted fern
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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