Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
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I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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