oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
