WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
