They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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