how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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