I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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