Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize