I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
