Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
