The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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