so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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