i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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