i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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