Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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