we're chasing vodka with high fives
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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