if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
