8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
