Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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