If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
