I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
