He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
