i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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