Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
